did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
