Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
