Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
