Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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