No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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