No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
