I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Actions speak louder than pants.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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