last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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