It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
