dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
