So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
