I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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