You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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