We're facebook friends in real life
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
