I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
