I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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