I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
