my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
