I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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