I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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