Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
