so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
