his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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