I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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