Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
