My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
