I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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