right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
