i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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