you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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