just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
