Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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