Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
