yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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