I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
