were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
