you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
