I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
