No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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