Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
