He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
