I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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