Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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