I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They have beer where we have blood.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
