people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
