do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His nipple licking is glorious
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