i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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