i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
