dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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