You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
