you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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