I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
