My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize