Will you blow on my dice?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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