don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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